i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
