Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize