thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
