tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
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