So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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