Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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