..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
