Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
