that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
