He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
