How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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