Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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