your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
