just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
