I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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