it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
