Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
