i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
