someone threw a dead crab at me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize