why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
