i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
