I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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