i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
