I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
