You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You smell like stripper and shame
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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