I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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