If i come over, it means nothing
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
