im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
operation harelip BJ is a go
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
