I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
