I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
