Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
