Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize