I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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