So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize