You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
