She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
A+ Viking dick
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
