We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
