May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize