I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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