I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
