Please, let me fuck your mom
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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