i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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