I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
