I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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