It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
