So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
