I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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