Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
