im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
