I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
