Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
