Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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