He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
