Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
