apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize