Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
