we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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