If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
