I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
