Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
