Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
