belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
