So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nicole vs. Life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
