The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
