I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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