I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
