What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
