Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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