i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
