theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You ruined the universe
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
