sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
