My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my being single is dangerous.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
