Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
worst night to have a conscience
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
