Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
