so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Randomize
