Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
