Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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