This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
