he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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