DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
