Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize