Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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