i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
