did you get engaged???
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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