i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
