your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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