I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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