I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The air was thick with penises
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
