I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
