Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
