your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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