its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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