oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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