According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
