Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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