Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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