I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
wow bdsm is so cute
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
