I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
