i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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